It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
Admittedly, I do an interesting job of bouncing back and forth between mostly not caring much about how I’m being perceived by others, and sometimes caring very deeply. It’s such an interesting dance, or rather, a battle, which takes place mostly within our own minds, right? Worrying if the person sitting across from us is judging; questioning how what we say, do, and look like will be perceived by everyone from the stranger in line at the grocery store, to our family members. But, if they’re looking to fault us, they’ll find a way, right? Does it really matter? The strangers whose paths we cross are probably not going to remember us. I’ve often heard it said that others are not thinking about us nearly as much as we think. I’m certain that’s true. And, if we’re busy thinking in our own minds about how we’re being perceived, then we’re leaving little time for judgment of those around us. Sounds like quite a waste of life and energy, if you ask me. Wouldn’t it be better to make peace with ourselves, and let the rest go?
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve always been the ‘new kid’, that hippie chick, with the waist-length hair, who came from a strange foreign land, which enabled me to come to a certain peace with the fact that I’d never really fit in, and thus it was better to just be myself. Other than my first three consecutive years in Holland, I was never at the same school for longer than two years. That changed in high school, but, by then I was content not to fit into any one mold, and happily made friends with a variety of people, never a part of any one clique, a gift in and of itself. I enjoyed being my own person, who leaned more towards the artsy side, but could adapt to almost any of the groups, thus shedding a great deal of the angsty teen perceptions game. This has assisted me a great deal in later life, as well, as I can blend into a variety of atmospheres comfortably.
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.
It’s not that I’m advocating for ill behavior, or blase thoughtlessness when I say that we shouldn’t care so much about what others think. I’m saying that as long as we do our best, we shouldn’t let what occurs in other’s minds affect how we think or behave. I know this is an interesting yoga, as we must adhere to societal norms to a certain extent, whether we’re blending into a work environment, trying to make guests comfortable in our home, tip-toeing as a guest in another’s home, or just out and about in our communities. I’m not asking you to set aside your manners, obviously. I’m asking you to stay true to your authentic self, speak your own truth, and stand up for who you are, as no matter what happens in the world, or how the players around you change, you are still you. Don’t abandon your inner self to paint a picture for another; be the most perfect version of your special and Beautiful self.
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Let’s be honest here. What you think of me is really none of my business, so why should I allow it to alter me, or my own perception of self? I know who I am and Love me, faults and all! 
*giggle* People come in and out of our lives, and I have chosen to surround myself with people who Love and accept me for my true self. They still expect the best of me, but do not require that I shape myself into a mold or fit pictures of who or what I should be. Not compromising ’self’ is a true Blessing, and I highly recommend it. Life is far too short to limit or hold back on who we are and the gifts we came to share. We’re all different, and meant to be that way. This is the one chance to be the unique individual you really are, so be bold, be Beautiful you! I dare ya!
Love and Blessings,
Antonia
Love Me or Hate Me..It’s All in My Mind has 16 Comments
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July 18th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
So timely! It’s occurring to me that in summer all this “stuff” comes more to the fore, as we are all walking around so much more exposed–the sheer fact that we are outside walking around subjects us a deeper level of vulnerability. Or not! I look forward to reading your visitors’ comments! It’s a very thoughtful post. Love, Mom xoxo
July 18th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Here’s to you and your mom!!
well, maybe it is the herd instinct that makes us care what our “tribe” thinks of us. And the inner evolutionary process toward individuation which makes us, not care.
Seems to me, that each of us has an inner purpose, an innate talent, that ought unfold, so that ultimately, we may express that giftedness, which is particular to ourselves–this alone creates in people of artistic temperament a need for solitude and time for reflection.
In the flux between caring what others think, and not caring.. is the dichotomy, between creating and sharing what is created.
and then?
well, it is like a circle, isn’t it?
Thank you for the thoughtful post and quotes.
July 18th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Thanks, mom! I appreciate that!
Yes, I always look forward to hearing from BeLoved Readers,
and especially so on this post!
Love,
Antonia
xoxox
July 19th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Welcome, Song! Thank you for your visit and Wonderful comment!
Yes, those with an artistic temperament certainly require more reflective, solitude.
Hopefully we are Blessed to bring forth inner gifts, brave enough to share them, and
wise enough to detach from how they are received..
Hmmm… a circle, indeed..
Much Gratitude~
Blessings,
Antonia
July 19th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Hi Sweetheart! It’s Me! =)
Enjoyed your post…interesting subject. Like a circle, indeed. Most definitely, being comfortable enough in your own skin that you don’t feel the need to conform, & trusting yourself enough that it doesn’t bother you what others think, is a challenge and a process. My first difficult lesson in this was the fact that growing up, I was never “good enough” or acceptable to my father. I spent many, many years busting my butt to be good enough and acceptable to him, and everyone else I met. Until it finally dawned on me that no matter how successful I was, my dad would still find fault. And it had NOTHING to do with me, but EVERYTHING to do with him. I was tired of trying to prove myself to be loved and accepted in an unhealthy relationship so I cut ties and vowed never again to give my power away in that way–the only one I needed to be acceptable to was myself.
There’s many different facets, if you will, to this issue. For the most part, I don’t give a damn what others think about me. I live true to myself & if they don’t like me, they don’t have to be around me. I don’t like everybody either. But I am never ashamed of my true nature, who I am. We’re all different. HOWEVER, I AM still struggling with a different aspect of the issue, and that’s JUDGMENT of me when people don’t have all the facts. That strikes a cord with me. It makes me want to cry and justify myself. I am criticized & looked down upon a lot for not “living up to my full potential”, though people don’t understand what I have all been through. I want people to see me for who I truly am. None of us really know what others may be going through so we have no right to make judgments about their life. I am hoping to get to a place soon where I love myself enough to not be hurt when others are critical of me. But aren’t those we cross paths with in our lives a mirror for ourselves? So, maybe I need to look within & realize the judgment & criticism I place on myself, which is an insult to my true Self–that’s why it hurts, and replace it with full acceptance and love for myself for where I am at in my life.
I’m sorry, Antonia, this may have been longer than your actual blog. =) I apologize for that but I guess I felt the need to process this for myself as well. You are an angel, a goddess, my sister, you have deeply touched so many people’s lives, including mine, and in the end, that’s all that is going to matter, right? Because that’s what we came here for….I LOVE YOU!!!!
July 19th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Kudos, Antonia!
Like you, I’ve never really fit into any one mold. My friends are spotted throughout so many different cultures, interests, etc. I’ve always felt more at ease being able to bounce around from one to another, without true ties to any particular group, per se. Perhaps it allows me more freedom to just be me.
As you mention, if someone wants to find fault in us, they’ll find a way no matter what we do, or don’t do. The shaman of the tribe that adopted me once put it this way…
“Anyone can find fault in all things. It takes no talent, proves nothing, accomplishes nothing, serves nothing. To find beauty in all things is enlightenment.”
Admittedly, I’m self-conscious of others perceptions from time to time. Yet, even that is my own erred thinking, not necessarily theirs. As you say, such a waste of energy!
My mantra to realign my thinking is this:
“Nothing people do is because of you, it is because of themselves.” ~Don Miguel Ruiz
That serves me even if someone compliments me, as it allows me to remember the blessing that is truly behind the compliment; it reflects their beauty, grace and gifting, more so than anything I have done. That way, the ol’ ego gains no credit, and I can see the beauty that is in another more clearly. Such a blessing!
As you’ve also mentioned, people come and go. Sometimes, though, however brief it may be leaves an imprint that you just know you’ll remember and be grateful for, forever. I can honestly say, you’re one of those people.
Thank you for being you, Antonia. I’m grateful for you!
Blessings & Love,
Marc
July 19th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Awwwwwe! Beautiful Rebecca, thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! It means a lot to me, Sis! I LOVE *YOU*, Amazing Lady! Yes, in the end, it is the lives we touch!
In the meantime, you brought up a couple of interesting points. Firstly, leaving dysfunctional relationships is a very healthy start and I admire that you were able to do that! Good for you! Secondly, the mirror, is the shadow side, and a post I have been thinking about writing! It’s a reflection, indeed, of those disowned parts of ourselves we are unwilling to see. How Lovely that you recognize that in yourself! Bravo!
You are a Gorgeous Angel, with so many gifts, and a Blessing to those of us who know you. Trust in that, Sweetheart. Share with those who see and appreciate that.
Love you,
Antonia
xoxox
July 19th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Thank you SO much, Marc! What a Lovely and thoughtful comment! Much appreciated, Dear One! I Love that D M Ruiz quote and reminder, as, indeed, for better or worse, ’tis a reflection of the other, not ourselves. Yet, we can Blessedly touch another’s life, for if we’re not helping each other and our World, why BE, yes?
Thank you for you.. I, too, am so Grateful!
Love and Blessings,
Antonia
July 20th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Thank you Antonia for your thoughts. Over the past few days I have found myself thinking more about what you wrote.
After having read more of your thoughts/posts?
I can’t think of one reason everyone wouldn’t like you. Not one!
You bring beauty and meaning to the world!
Bless you!
song!
July 21st, 2009 at 8:45 am
What a great reminder that just being yourself is enough. Thank you Antonia for your honesty. I really enjoyed reading your post.
Artistgirl
July 21st, 2009 at 9:16 am
Thank you so much, Song! What a very kind and Lovely thing to say! Much appreciated!
Blessings,
Antonia
July 21st, 2009 at 9:19 am
Thank you, Artistgirl! Always Lovely to hear from you! Yes, you are certainly enough as you are, Beautiful Lady! But, it’s Wonderful to watch you unfolding, too!
Love and Blessings,
Antonia
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:10 am
~A~ what a timely and lovely blog post…we all do that same dance. But you are sooo right in the end it is our projection, good and or bad. What we perceive in our brain from the messages relayed through our neocortex. None of it is what and who we really are. I Love You so much. Words cannot describe…beyond nama rupa. We are really what is looking out from behind our eyes. The observer, the act of observing, and the observed all at the same time. xoxo D
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Awwwwe, D! Thank you so much, my friend! I appreciate your kindness.
We are, indeed, all of those things.
Makes for an interesting journey!
Love and Blessings to you,
~A~
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:41 pm
a line from an Eagle song…someone showed me how to tell “the dancer” from “the dance.”
About dharma, or the path with which we are to follow based on the inner purpose that song was speaking of. Deepak Chopra stated once that we have all a reason that we chose to incarnate into form…to slow our vibrations enough to manifest into this world….We are to remember, what that purpose is and bring it forward. We are here to learn to be more loving, anything other than that, in this relative existence is what they called maya. We each have an innate talent, a gift … which no one else has … quite the same as you, or me. Something that makes a contribution to the whole. There is an example of how this works, in the 5 trillion citizens living and manufacturing in complete cooperation inside the human form. Our cells, they have health care, they get their trash picked up and taken away. all in complete cooperation. You don’t think about digesting your food. You don’t have to concentrate on keeping the beat for the heart rhythm. It just is. Want no-thing with all of your heart, because that signifies a lack … which is impossible. All thing will be done through you…that is the Tao
July 23rd, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Thank you for sharing, David!
Blessings Bright,
Antonia