The Four Step Path
When my mother was in graduate school she studied with Cultural Anthropologist Angeles Arien, who taught her a four step practice which she always turns to when she’s finding herself needing clarity: show up, pay attention, tell the truth and don’t be attached to outcome. She told me that people usually have trouble with one more than the others. It took me awhile to integrate this information, but I saw that life is a journey which requires our being present, honest and detached.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
I will have lived in Los Angeles for ten years this August, and I have to say that I have never met so many unreliable people in my life. That is not to say that there aren’t many beautiful people here, however, many of them seem to struggle with getting themselves where they say they will be at any given point and time. People are often late, if they show up at all. This happens for a myriad of reasons, but all are a reflection of a preoccupation with what has happened in the past, or what is about to happen in the future. Yet, it is usually in the present that we find exactly what we need. A bonus gift in being the one who shows up is that it has cemented my relationship with friends.
I think the one lesson I have learned is that there is no substitute for paying attention.
Most of us live in a society which is constantly in motion; and multi-tasking has become a means of survival. We talk on cells while driving to work or taking the kids to school. We email, message, and text our way through meals. We watch television instead of conversing with those we love. It has become a hectic world of frustrations, distractions and a general lack of being in the now. Perhaps we get into a rut, shuffle from task to task, forgetting the ability to be spontaneous. But, if we are really lucky, life engages us, and we stop to admire a new bloom on the vine, or an amazing sunset reflecting on incoming storm clouds. Being in the present moment brings us closer to where we need to be and allows us to hear not only what our beloveds and co-workers are trying to communicate, but also to hear the voice from within. It is impossible to truly pay attention and do anything else at the same time, and don’t we owe it to those around us and ourselves to pay attention in the moment, solve the problems in front of us, or eliminate the distractions so that we can stay focused upon what is really important?
Truth is a deep kindness that teaches us to be content in our everyday life and share with the people the same happiness.
Truth is what the person of knowledge brings to every moment.
As a child I heard the famous George Washington cherry tree story, as well as the Honest Abe’s penny tale, both teaching us that we should not tell lies. There’s a difference between not telling lies and being truly honest. Honesty asks us to be open to the truths of the world, true to ourselves, and truthful with the people we know. Being truly honest is a spiritual discipline, an art form, and a gift to ourselves. It is an opportunity to break free from our fears: the fear of being hurt, fear of being wrong, and the fears of being unworthy or unlovable. I believe that how we feel about ourselves and how much we love ourselves are in direct proportion to the quality and integrity of our word. Thus, when we are brave enough and loving enough to be completely truthful, we feel good, happy and at peace because we are in alignment with our self-definition.
He who binds himself to a joy
Does the winged life destroy.
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity’s sunrise.
It is our attachment to outcome that shows us where we have more work to do. Being attached not only clouds our vision, but leaves us stuck clinging to what we feel “should” be. When we are attached, we tend to become worried, obsessed and tense, feeling that the only way we will be happy is if things pan out in a certain way. This lack of flow with life will lead only to suffering and an inability to move forward. And I am not saying that it is easy to let go. But by trusting in the process, knowing that all is as it should be, we can allow ourselves to be flexible and flowing with life, enjoying the present moment instead of concerning ourselves with how things must look. Everything in life is sacred. It is a journey which mirrors nature through life, death, ebb, and flow. It’s all part of the great cycle of life. The only thing for certain is change, so grasp those beautiful moments, for we must only learn to enjoy now while it’s here. Many blessings on your path.
12 Comments
Kathryn
July 11, 2008This is such a clear, lovely post, Antonia. I’m glad you are sharing Angeles’s teachings. She has all these years remained my all-time favorite teacher, and I’m sure I’m not alone in that perception. You’ve done a really good job at framing these teachings. I’m sure your readers will appreciate. Love, Mom xoxo
Pedro Rosario
July 11, 2008I think that the four paths are good as an ideal. However, in practice sometimes it doesn’t work that way. Sometimes looking at outcomes matter, sometimes being 100% honest can harm more than it can heal.
The part about being present and pay attention I do recognize is an absolute must. We cannot fall asleep at what is happening around us. Although sometimes, we need isolation, to attain some mental sanity if what is happening stresses us too much.
I think the trick of everything is to attain balance, but trying to hold that four path as an ideal, and act as close to that as possible. That’s the way I see it.
Pedro Rosario
July 11, 2008Sorry, I meant the four step path.. lol.. :-S
Antonia
July 11, 2008Thank you, mom!
Yes, I think Angeles’ teachings are wonderful!
Thank *you* for passing it on to me! What a gift!
I love you!
~Antonia~
Antonia
July 11, 2008Thank you, Pedro!
Balance is indeed key! And, you are very right about allowing
ourselves space!
Blessings to you, my friend,
Antonia
Lisa
July 12, 2008This is great info. My problem is usually the last -Attachment to outcome.When I was younger I read ‘A Spiritual Warriors Handbook’ by Phil and Diane Dunn This REALLY helped in learning detachment and how to surrender. Love ya Antonia and love love love your blogs..Lisa
Antonia
July 12, 2008Awww! Thank you so much, Lisa! Much appreciated!
I’ve always had the most trouble with attachment to outcome as well. Being willing to let go and trust is a challenge, but one I’m grateful to have learned to work through.
Thanks for the book recommendation!
Love you,
Antonia
peemer
July 13, 2008What a wonderful gift to your readers and any lucky person who stumbles upon your blog. I always enjoy your posts so much, dear. What a wonderful spiritual teaching that can be gotten across in 4 steps. Granted, that last one is a bear for us humans who have egos and live in the world of attachments. The reason to strive for it, no matter the difficulty, is because it‘s the ultimate key to PEACE.
fgm.
Although I agree with Pedro that there are some outcomes worth being attached to, the fact is, that attachment can so easily lead to pain, stress, disappointment, anger…. and then those experiences and emotions can lead to problem-creating behavior. And there we have the “vicious cycle” of human experience and life in a body.
So, I stand up for ALL four steps, not just as an “ideal”, but as a true path to peace and spiritual freedom. Thanks for the cool reminder, and thanks for being such a great role model to those LA slackers
Antonia
July 14, 2008Thank you, FGM!
“The reason to strive for it, no matter the difficulty, is because it‘s the ultimate key to PEACE.”
Beautiful! And, so true!
Love you,
Antonia
(fgd)
R.F.S.P.
July 26, 2008catching up on posts & i love this one!
bravo
Antonia
July 26, 2008Thank you, R.F.S.P.! Much appreciated!
*gmao*
Blessings
Antonia
Have No Fear, Success is Here! | Hitting Send
April 3, 2009[...] built against allowing ourselves to live our best life. To the best of my ability, I actively live The Four Step Path: show up, pay attention, tell the truth and don’t be attached to outcome. I have been thinking [...]